It was heartwarming to visit our special places with beloved family but the chasm of your absence was ever at my side. Dinner at The Peddler where we had our wedding night meal. Newfound Gap where you stood by the sign for the Appalachian Trail for a picture and later told everyone you had hiked the trail Not likely. Not you.
We rode the skyway tram and I remembered you and I holding hands and laughing as we neared the top The camera caught our joy. It's a photo I treasure.
I'm glad I had family around me on this journey. I don't know if I will ever return again to Gatlinburg. Our Gatlinburg.
Most days my time is a routine but in moments like these the ache of losing you returns and is overwhelming. It makes me want to sleep and not awaken to the emptiness. I keep going because I am a survivor and because I don't want to cause pain to those who love me. And because Pepper and Cinny need me. and because I know you would want me to smile and not cry. To live and not just exist.
But I miss you and who I was with you. Who we were in Gatlinburg. Our Gatlinburg.
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