We still miss you every day....

 This year Thanksgiving will fall on November 27 and Black Friday on the 28th, for the first time since you left us almost five years ago.   

Life has continued and all of us who love you have found new joys and smiles.  But November 27 will always be tainted with  sadness and we will always feel that someone is missing no matter how many people surround us.  It will always seem like we should hear your booming voice cheering on your fave teams and making us laugh.  

You are missed.  You made a difference in more lives than you will ever understand.   Evan as you struggled with your own demons and flaws, you kept loving  us and making us laugh. Our lives hold echoes of your smiles and hugs and unconditional love.  

We still miss you every day   

Smoky Mountain Memories

this weekend, Sammie and I met Devin Andrea and Simone in Gatlinburg.  Our Gatlinburg.  Everywhere my eyes fell I looked and longed for you.  Only a few months ago we were talking about our next trip  to the Smokies.  About renting a cabin and enjoying the blue mist and calm.   Now that can never be.

It was heartwarming to visit our special places with beloved family but the chasm of your absence was ever at my side.  Dinner at The Peddler where we had our wedding night meal.  Newfound Gap where you stood by the sign for the Appalachian Trail for a picture and later told everyone you had hiked the trail   Not likely.  Not you.

We rode the skyway tram and I remembered you and I holding hands and laughing as we neared the top   The camera caught our joy.  It's a photo I treasure.

I'm glad I had family around me on this journey.  I don't know if I will ever return again to Gatlinburg.  Our Gatlinburg.

Most days my time is a routine but in moments like these the ache of losing you returns and is overwhelming.  It makes me want to sleep and not awaken to the emptiness.   I keep going because I am a survivor and because I don't want to cause pain to those who love me.  And because Pepper and Cinny need me.  and because I know you would want me to smile and not cry.  To live and not just exist.

But I miss you and who I was with you.  Who we were in Gatlinburg.  Our Gatlinburg.

The world keeps turning but youre still missed

Each day, you seem a little further away...a little less real ...a little more like a dream I imagined in the depths of my heart ...

You were a man, with flaws and imperfections like all of us
with secrets and sorrows and shame
and yet you were also kind and caring and gentle ...and loved

I still miss you every day...

One month ago..... we were smiling and laughing ...and now you are gone....

One month ago today, I lost the love of my life, Paul Simpson the Christmas holiday was difficult for myself, our family and his many friends. Thank you for your support -for the hugs, hope, well wishes, prayers, food and flowers Please remember to say "I love you" to those who matter in your life. I'm so glad we did that and Paul died knowing he was loved

Our Little Home is missing you at Christmas...

Out little home...and me...and our cat-babies...miss you every day, but especially this day

I will never understand how God can take a man who was working so hard to change his life, and leave on Earth the ones who do nothing but evil. 

I put up the tree the last day you were here--if not, there would be no tree, for I have no desire to celebrate.

I want to be there for our family--be happy for the grandkids--but the most I can do is fake a smile.. Because you are not here and I feel so alone and lost

I can say Merry Christmas, but it doesn't feel Merry ....

I love you

Sunday Silence

Our little town home on Sunday Silence Way is silent this Sunday of your presence and smile
It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since you died and I don't know how long I will need to maintain the countdown.  In Sunday's you would go to your morning meeting and we would then meet up at church. Now I travel to church alone where I am greeted by the reminder of your life and death as I approach the Magnolua tree where we scattered your ashes.

Some days I stay busy and try to move forward with the steps that are needed to continue and build a new life without you. Other days simply getting out of bed and knowing that I won't be greeted by the smell of your coffee and cologne seems more than I can do

I wish I could have one more day with you to say all the things unsaid and to simply hold you for hours on end and record the images and sounds and smells of you and us. I lost more than you. I lost us. I lost the day to day happiness of being your wife.

Other family members and friends are going on with their lives and I am trying but so often wonder why.
I miss you.

Missing you but moving on...

I miss you every day, but the tears are less, and the daily life without you in it is becoming more bearable...

You often told me how strong I was and part of that strength is knowing my own limits--I cannot continue to think of how life would be if you were here.  you will never be here again, and you would want me to find happiness and peace. 

so, I am moving on with life--and Im saying it out loud (well in a blog) to remind myself that its okay to smile and laugh and even to do the things we dreamed about without you. 

I will always love you. 

Deb