Sunday, December 27, 2015
One month ago..... we were smiling and laughing ...and now you are gone....
One month ago today, I lost the love of my life, Paul Simpson the Christmas holiday was difficult for myself, our family and his many friends. Thank you for your support -for the hugs, hope, well wishes, prayers, food and flowers Please remember to say "I love you" to those who matter in your life. I'm so glad we did that and Paul died knowing he was loved
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Our Little Home is missing you at Christmas...
Out little home...and me...and our cat-babies...miss you every day, but especially this day
I will never understand how God can take a man who was working so hard to change his life, and leave on Earth the ones who do nothing but evil.
I put up the tree the last day you were here--if not, there would be no tree, for I have no desire to celebrate.
I want to be there for our family--be happy for the grandkids--but the most I can do is fake a smile.. Because you are not here and I feel so alone and lost
I can say Merry Christmas, but it doesn't feel Merry ....
I love you
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Sunday Silence
Our little town home on Sunday Silence Way is silent this Sunday of your presence and smile
It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since you died and I don't know how long I will need to maintain the countdown. In Sunday's you would go to your morning meeting and we would then meet up at church. Now I travel to church alone where I am greeted by the reminder of your life and death as I approach the Magnolua tree where we scattered your ashes.
Some days I stay busy and try to move forward with the steps that are needed to continue and build a new life without you. Other days simply getting out of bed and knowing that I won't be greeted by the smell of your coffee and cologne seems more than I can do
I wish I could have one more day with you to say all the things unsaid and to simply hold you for hours on end and record the images and sounds and smells of you and us. I lost more than you. I lost us. I lost the day to day happiness of being your wife.
Other family members and friends are going on with their lives and I am trying but so often wonder why.
I miss you.
It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since you died and I don't know how long I will need to maintain the countdown. In Sunday's you would go to your morning meeting and we would then meet up at church. Now I travel to church alone where I am greeted by the reminder of your life and death as I approach the Magnolua tree where we scattered your ashes.
Some days I stay busy and try to move forward with the steps that are needed to continue and build a new life without you. Other days simply getting out of bed and knowing that I won't be greeted by the smell of your coffee and cologne seems more than I can do
I wish I could have one more day with you to say all the things unsaid and to simply hold you for hours on end and record the images and sounds and smells of you and us. I lost more than you. I lost us. I lost the day to day happiness of being your wife.
Other family members and friends are going on with their lives and I am trying but so often wonder why.
I miss you.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Missing you but moving on...
I miss you every day, but the tears are less, and the daily life without you in it is becoming more bearable...
You often told me how strong I was and part of that strength is knowing my own limits--I cannot continue to think of how life would be if you were here. you will never be here again, and you would want me to find happiness and peace.
so, I am moving on with life--and Im saying it out loud (well in a blog) to remind myself that its okay to smile and laugh and even to do the things we dreamed about without you.
I will always love you.
Deb
You often told me how strong I was and part of that strength is knowing my own limits--I cannot continue to think of how life would be if you were here. you will never be here again, and you would want me to find happiness and peace.
so, I am moving on with life--and Im saying it out loud (well in a blog) to remind myself that its okay to smile and laugh and even to do the things we dreamed about without you.
I will always love you.
Deb
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Sunday, December 13, 2015
2weeks. 2days. 2 long without you
Paul
how is it possible that I will never see you again or be held lovingly in your strong arms?
I am glad that you went quickly and didn't suffer but I will always wish that I didn't have to face life without you.
I am trying to be strong. To stand on my own. To remember how precious and sweet our love and life was. But nothing and no one can take away the emptiness of my soul without you to smile at me or make me laugh at something silly and inconsequential. But it is those moments that I miss the most. The moments that were just between us. Silliness that only we understood. You changed my life with your live and taught me to enjoy life each day. How do I do that without you?
I am going on each day but I don't want to. I am creating a home without you but I don't want to. I am loving our cat babies who still look for you when the door opens and who want more attention that I can give to them. Cookie and I exchange knowing glances. I think she understands because she wants me to pet her and hold her and we both know that I am a substitute for you. I'm not the one she wants and I understand that. We both want the same person. You. And you are not here.
our family and friends have lovingly listened to me cry and talk and struggle and I am blessed they are here but I'd rather it was you that I was calling. You I I talked to each day.
Today I felt your hand on mine in church and I never wanted it to end. I walked by the tree where your ashes were scattered and I felt peace at knowing you are where you were at peace. But I was angry that you went away. Angry that you didn't go to the doctor and try. Try to stay here with me.
I know grieving is a long process. My life has been filled with grief and I know too much about it. But I had you to make me reach outside the pain and find joy. the 17 years we were together were the happiest I've known. Yes we had problems but through all of that I loved you and I knew you loved me.
My life without you feels like a farce. Like a way to pass time. It's hard to find hope for a future without you in it. I love you. YGG. Deb
how is it possible that I will never see you again or be held lovingly in your strong arms?
I am glad that you went quickly and didn't suffer but I will always wish that I didn't have to face life without you.
I am trying to be strong. To stand on my own. To remember how precious and sweet our love and life was. But nothing and no one can take away the emptiness of my soul without you to smile at me or make me laugh at something silly and inconsequential. But it is those moments that I miss the most. The moments that were just between us. Silliness that only we understood. You changed my life with your live and taught me to enjoy life each day. How do I do that without you?
I am going on each day but I don't want to. I am creating a home without you but I don't want to. I am loving our cat babies who still look for you when the door opens and who want more attention that I can give to them. Cookie and I exchange knowing glances. I think she understands because she wants me to pet her and hold her and we both know that I am a substitute for you. I'm not the one she wants and I understand that. We both want the same person. You. And you are not here.
our family and friends have lovingly listened to me cry and talk and struggle and I am blessed they are here but I'd rather it was you that I was calling. You I I talked to each day.
Today I felt your hand on mine in church and I never wanted it to end. I walked by the tree where your ashes were scattered and I felt peace at knowing you are where you were at peace. But I was angry that you went away. Angry that you didn't go to the doctor and try. Try to stay here with me.
I know grieving is a long process. My life has been filled with grief and I know too much about it. But I had you to make me reach outside the pain and find joy. the 17 years we were together were the happiest I've known. Yes we had problems but through all of that I loved you and I knew you loved me.
My life without you feels like a farce. Like a way to pass time. It's hard to find hope for a future without you in it. I love you. YGG. Deb
Friday, December 11, 2015
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Monday, December 7, 2015
Dedicated to A man who is missed every day
Paul Gilbert Simpson was a husband, brother, father, grandfather and friend
As I write those words, they seem so insufficient to describe the man who was the center of my life
He could turn a tragedy into a triumph with simply a hug and a joke.
He was a student of history and politics and could hold his own in any debate on the topic
He was known for the "grey movies" (titled so by Sammi Cox, granddaughter) -the classic films that he loved and taught others to love
He was taken from us all too soon-only 67, and with so many plans for the future
He was flawed like all of us are, but he admitted his flaws and sought to change his life
He was loved more than he ever believed and he can never be replaced
I love you with all of my heart and soul and I will miss you every day
Your Gorgeous Goddess (as you called me) and loving wife and partner, Deb
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